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I have a bad feeling about this. Taking firm hold of Jak's pudgy hand, Obi-Wan hobbled along behind Liv and her seven-year-old daughter, as they wove through the marketplace. At breakfast, Calder had handed him a cane carved from a tree branch and declared that Ben must be seen to be what they were claiming him to be -- one of the family. A widowed cousin, come to grieve his loss in peace and quiet.
At least now he understood why they had shorn his beard. Married men were all clean-shaven, and remained so for at least six months after losing their spouses. But it left Obi-Wan feeling rather exposed. Telling himself that it added to his aura of grief, he kept his head down as he trailed behind Liv. But his eyes missed nothing. Especially not the occasional white flash of Imperial armor.
As the morning wore on, Obi-Wan found himself leaning more and more on the cane. It wasn't his knee -- after two weeks, that was almost completely healed. Nor his head -- though sudden movements could still cause waves of vertigo. But his ribs were vigorously complaining about the exercise, the jostling ... and the hugs. At least eight or nine people had approached him, saying how good it was to see him again, how sorry they were about his loss, always ending the exchange with a hug and a hearty, "Take care of yourself, Ben." He was beginning to think that the whole village knew his secret.
Halting, Obi-Wan shifted his weight to the cane and scanned the crowd, looking for Liv, who seemed to have gotten a ways ahead of him.
"Ben." Jak yanked on his hand, drawing his gaze downwards. The child pointed. "Mama."
Obi-Wan traced the finger's path to see Liv bartering with a salesman. He smiled at the child and released his hand. "Go to your mother, Jak." The child grinned and toddled away. Obi-Wan watched him until he reached his mother's side and tugged on her tunic. She looked up and waved at Obi-Wan. He nodded and turned away.
Right into another hug. A wide-shouldered, buxom woman folded Obi-Wan in a crushing embrace, murmuring condolences in his ear. She left him slightly hunched over, gasping for breath, holding his right arm protectively across his ribs. Bewilderment clouded his mind as he waited for the spiking heat to dissipate. Who didn't know?
A hand spun him around. Obi-Wan staggered, sudden dizziness pounding through his head and blurring his vision. His gaze widened as he blinked repeatedly, trying to focus on the black and white visored helmet in front of him.
"State your name and business," a muffled voice demanded from behind the visor.
Obi-Wan stared at the Imperial trooper blankly for a microsecond before his brain kicked into gear. "Ben ..." Had they given him a last name? "... beDirk. I'm visiting family."
Villagers encircled the pair, their silence stony.
"How did you get injured?"
"Speeder accident."
"You'll have to come with me for questioning." The soldier tightened his grip.
No! Obi-Wan exhaled the clamoring panic. His right hand arched a small wave. "I don't have to come with you."
The trooper blinked. "You don't have to come with me."
"I'm not the man you're looking for."
"You're not the man we're looking for."
"I may go."
"You may go." The soldier released Obi-Wan's arm.
The Jedi limped past the trooper. The villagers stepped aside as he passed through the circle.
Liv joined him, her two children running to keep up. She whispered, "I don't understand what happened. Did you use your magic?"
Obi-Wan nodded. "I hope it wasn't a mistake."
The argument had been long and heated. In the end Obi-Wan had conceded, agreeing to stay on for a few more days. But only because it would take Calder that long to arrange transport off planet. It was better this way, Calder had insisted. If they were under surveillance, the appearance of normalcy was critical.
But logic did not dampen the growing sense of dread.
Calder's stride was as long as his shoulders were broad. Obi-Wan ignored his aching midsection as he hustled to keep up. Their sandals kicked up little puffs of dust as they made their way around the farm's perimeter road. The big man pointed out the autumn pastures, filled now with herdsmen and their wards, the river that fed the fertile valley, the contract harvesters with their droid workforce. Obi-Wan feigned polite interest, his thoughts a roiling cauldron. He'd been so careful not to use the Force up to now. Should he have gone with the trooper? It had been a day. Surely Vader would've already moved to capture him, if he were in system. Wouldn't he? Guilt and uncertainty nagged at him, increasing his unease.
They topped the rise that overlooked the farm yard. Calder halted. Obi-Wan joined the Daksheen, his polite demeanor shedding as tension filled his limbs. Below them, a pair of white-suited soldiers marched from the house, mounted their speeder bikes and raced away.
Calder charged down the hillside, bellowing. Obi-Wan followed, clutching at his side. He drew on the Force, just a little, just enough to quiet his screaming ribs. He bounded up the staircase and through the doorway, almost crashing into Calder.
Jak sat in the middle of the kitchen, tugging at his mother's sleeve. His plaintive wail echoed off white and red-spattered walls. "Ni-ni. Mama ni-ni." Liv's crumpled form lay in a red puddle. Obi-Wan took a step forward, stopping when he spotted the girl. He glided across the room and stared down at Calder's daughter, so much the image of her mother. He tore his gaze away from the gaping hole in her chest and met Calder's burning glare.
"She did this for you, Jedi. Kept silent for you. Heal her."
Obi-Wan shook his head slowly, refusing to let horror blank his mind. Calder paced across the room and clutched Obi-Wan's arm, shoving him toward Liv and the crying child. Obi-Wan stumbled and fell to his knees beside Jak. "Go to your room, Jak," he whispered. He nudged through the Force. "Go now." The child scrambled to his feet and ran from the kitchen.
Calder picked up his daughter's body and cradled it against his chest. With tears streaming down his cheeks, he barked, "Heal her, Jedi!"
"Healing is not my talent. I'm a knight." Easing Liv onto her back, Obi-Wan took in the broken and bruised face while he searched for a glimmer of her life force. He closed his eyes and sat back on his heels. "I'm sorry, Calder. She's beyond healing." He reached out and gently brushed her eyes closed, concealing her empty, accusing stare.
Calder jostled Obi-Wan aside and fell to his knees beside Liv. He laid his daughter in her mother's arms and draped himself over both. Loud sobs flooded the room.
Obi-Wan let the agonized sounds wash over him for several minutes, then pushed himself to his feet, welcoming the dull ache radiating from his side. At least he was feeling ... something. He wiped his hands on his green leggings. "I have to leave."
"No!" Calder lunged to his feet. He grabbed Obi-Wan by the collar and slammed him against the wall. "They died protecting you, Jedi!"
Tugging unsuccessfully at the thick fingers wrapped around his neck, Obi-Wan rasped, "I didn't ask them to. I'm not responsible ..."
"You are! You will be!" Calder leaned close and stared into Obi-Wan's eyes. "If you leave now, Jedi, you deliver proof of our guilt to those Imperial scum. You know they're watching. They'll come back and destroy us all if you leave. All. Even Jak."
Releasing his grip, Calder stepped back. Obi-Wan slumped against the wall. He rubbed at his neck and eyed the Daksheen warily.
"They will likely return, anyway," Obi-Wan said. "Come with me. You and Jak."
"No. These are my people. This is my place."
Obi-Wan sank to the floor, protectively hugging his ribs. "I don't want to be responsible for any more dying, Calder. Every decision I make sends more beings to their deaths. The burden is suffocating me."
"The service of remembrance for my mate and my daughter will be held tomorrow at sunset. My grieving cousin will be in attendance."
"You don't know what you ask."
"I ask you to honor their sacrifice."
Obi-Wan pulled his legs against his chest and let his head fall onto his knees. Defeat loomed over him.
The walled square on the edge of the village sided a wide river. Steep banks dropped down to rumbling white water. The ground was tiled with flat stones that spread out from the center of the square in a starburst design. In accordance with tradition, Calder and his remaining family -- Jak and Obi-Wan -- stood by the central rock. That one stone was slightly raised, and on it rested the urns containing the ashes of the deceased. Calder would return them to the river of life after the service.
Obi-Wan stood stiffly behind Calder. The gazes of the two hundred or so mourners seemed to drill into the back of his head. A neighbor had offered a mourning outfit of traditional brown. Obi-Wan tugged at the neckline of the snug tunic and resisted the urge to re-adjust the leather sash. He had already cinched it as tight as possible, so that it served to bind his ribs. He ignored the insect exploring his sandle-clad foot and stared beyond the river as the ceremony began.
The holy man's voice droned, reciting centuries-old dirges about the circle of life. There is no death; there is the Force. Would Calder find comfort in that thought? Do I? Obi-Wan found himself thinking of his old master. A tear tracked down his cheek, stinging his freshly-shaved jaw. Perhaps such thoughts were meant to be a comfort to those facing death. But how does one comfort the person who must find the courage to go on living? From where does that courage spring? Is dying the easier choice?
The sun dipped below the horizon. The ceremony had just begun to celebrate the lives cut short, when the rapid thudding of many boots on stone rolled down the street and over the square. As one, the crowd turned to face the company of Imperial soldiers double-timing towards them. The white uniforms glowed in the twilight. An eerie calm settled over the villagers.
The Force vibrated with the knowledge of possible violence, and the smell of ozone, from blasters not yet fired, seemed to fill Obi-Wan's nostrils.
The soldiers blocked the only escape route and snapped their blasters to ready position. The villagers faced the troop silently, a human wall separating the Imperials from the Jedi. The soldiers remained unmoving, awaiting orders. Obi-Wan started forward. Calder spun him back.
"Where do you think you're going, Jedi?" Venom filled the Daksheen's voice.
"I can stop this. It's me they want."
"You could have made this choice two days ago. It was wrong then. It's wrong now."
Obi-Wan knocked Calder's arm down. "I don't want anyone else to die for me."
"You will not shame Livi's sacrifice by making it nothing."
Obi-Wan clenched his fists. "No more deaths."
"The choice is not yours, Jedi. And this fight is not yours. They made it our fight by killing two of our own." Calder pulled Obi-Wan's lightsaber from inside his tunic and slapped it into the surprised Jedi's hand. Then he pulled out a blaster and cocked the firing pin. "Return to your own arena, Jedi Knight. A ship is waiting. Five kilometers west of my house. Fight this war on your terms."
Scanning Calder's face, Obi-Wan asked, "You knew this was going to happen?"
"I hoped not, but I knew it was possible." Calder pivoted away. He halted and looked over his shoulder. "You're a good man, Ben." With that, he strode through the crowd, toward the black clad officer who was repeating his demand for cooperation.
Obi-Wan noted hands everywhere, reaching inside tunics. He squeezed his eyes shut as Calder raised his blaster and yelled, "Rally Daksheen!" Shouts and cries and the whine of blasters filled his ears. The smell of burning air and singed flesh clogged his nose. He was surrounded by a cordon of death. His limbs trembled. Liv's honor was his shame. Despair shrouded his mind.
A hand on his wrist popped his eyes open. The woman who had crushed him in the marketplace, stood holding Jak. The boy's faced was buried in her neck.
Her voice was stern. "You know what is right. Don't think. Act."
"I-I'm trying ..." There is no try.
Obi-Wan wheeled and dashed toward the river. He blew out his trepidation, inhaling calm. As his foot hit the riverbank, he gathered tendrils of the Force and jumped the raging waters. He hit the far bank, tumbling to the ground and springing back to his feet. He paused for a quick glance at the battle, then ran into the approaching night.
By the time Obi-Wan reached a small plateau three kilometers west of the beDirk farm, he was raging. Unspent battle adrenaline pulsed through his veins. He let loose a blood-freezing yell and somersaulted to a standstill. His chest heaved. He used the Force to swat aside the agony bathing his ribcage.
No choice. The Daksheen had given him no choice tonight. Just as Master Qui-Gon had given him no choice but to take Anakin as his Padawan. Just as Master Yoda had given him no choice but to save Amidala from herself and her husband. Just as Anakin had given him no choice but to hide Anakin's own son from him and the Emperor.
Icy anger rode the cool night breeze. [This is Master Qui-Gon's fault. He started it when he insisted on saving that slave boy.] I can't blame him. I loved him. He was a father to me. [He had no right. No right to try to set me aside to train the boy. No right to wring that promise from me. How could he do that to me? I wasn't ready for the burden.] But I accepted it. I did my best. [I failed. It was his fault. He knew I'd fail.] No! He trusted me.
Obi-Wan fell to his knees in the sparse grass. Pebbles dug into his skin. He pressed his forehead to the ground. Visions of exploding snubfighters melted into Daksheen falling in the village square, their blood washing over the stones. A yawning void opened up within him and despair rushed in to fill it. How could he go on? Everyone he loved, every life he touched, was destroyed. Body or soul or both.
That one soul-wrenching memory overwhelmed him. His sweat. The heat of the shimmering red shield that prevented him from moving. That let him see. The elbow that clipped Qui-Gon's chin. The red blade that sank into and through Qui-Gon's midsection. His own tortured scream. The gloating, demon face.
"No! Noooo!"
The end. The beginning. Of this waking nightmare. Of this living death.
It had to stop.
[Kill him.] I love Anakin. I can't kill him. [Anakin is dead. Kill him.] I can't. Even if I wanted to. He's grown too powerful. [Kill him.] How? [Take his power. Use his own power against him.] No. I could never do that. [It is the only way.] There has to be another way. There has to. [Light cannot defeat the darkness. It is snuffed out and the darkness remains.] That can't be true. [Look inside. The truth is there.]
Obi-Wan Kenobi, Jedi Knight, looked inside his soul and wept. [It is the only way.]
