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The streaking lights of hyperspace were matching the speed of his whirling thoughts. Druce felt like a rancor was trying to break out of his head. But he couldn't stop the thoughts. Couldn't stop the pounding. He found himself wanting to believe Alee. But it was so very, very hard. From another time? How could that be possible? She seemed so sincere. Is she crazy? Or am I?
The headache grew to two-rancor size. He needed someplace peaceful to think, to organize his chaotic mind. On journeys like this, only one place ever sufficed. Dru quickly entered calculations, rechecked them for errors. Satisfied, he dropped the ship out of hyperspace.
Dru heaved a sigh and settled comfortably into the pilot chair. Deep space. Where every star was just a pinprick. Nothing visual to clutter your mind or cloud your thinking. He shut down all systems except lifesupport and reveled in the quiet.
"Is something wrong?" Alee's voice interrupted his solitude.
Dru didn't move, but continued to stare at the serene void surrounding them. "No. This is just where I go to think. Hope you don't mind a little layover."
"N-no problem. T-take as long as you need."
Dru puzzled over her shaky answer. Must be her queasy stomach. I've noticed she doesn't take entries and exits all that well. He turned to see the door sliding closed. He stared blankly for a few seconds, then shrugged and returned to gazing out the viewscreen.
He racked his brain, searching for puzzle pieces that would confirm or deny Alee's claims. So much fit. But it wasn't logical. Was trusting his instincts logical? He did that often enough. But his instincts were totally off kilter on this one. His desire to be with Alee was forcing him into a corner - he couldn't be with her and not believe her.
Dru tapped the console and stared at the monitor. He had downloaded everything from the Hutt's computer before he triggered the self-destruct. Did he dare try to unlock those surveillance holos Reega had referred to? If they existed. He recalled Alee's wan face when the Hutt had mentioned them. Why hadn't Alee told Reega to go fly his ship into a black hole? Why hadn't she said it wasn't her on those tapes? Couldn't be her. What had she said just before that? Something about mixing her up with a woman he saw once 40 years ago? Once? How would she know Reega had only seen the woman once? Not twice. Or five times. Once. Emperor's bones. Once.
Here he was, yet again, being forced to trust. Being forced to take a leap of faith. Jumping off a catwalk was easy compared to this. Believing the impossible.
Druce stared out at the darkness for a very long time.
He keyed up the Hutt's computer data. He glared at the monitor for a micron, then entered the delete command. The screen cleared. Dru's gaze was drawn back to the emptiness of deep space.
But I'm not believing the impossible - I'm believing the woman I love.
He had to tell Alee. Dru rose and headed back to the living quarters. A quivering brown mass lay in a heap on the bottom bunk. He gaped at Alee, curled in a fetal position and wrapped in her cloak. This was an Alee he had never seen. Fearful. Helpless.
Protectiveness pulsated through his innermost being, driving all other thoughts away. He sat on the bed and placed a tentative hand on her back. Alee jerked. Her pasty face peeked out, hazel eyes wide.
"What is it, Alee?" Dru asked softly.
"I, I can't find my center. It's never been th-this bad. I c-can't get past the remembering." Her breath came in short gasps. "The c-cold is seeping into my bones. F-freezing my blood. Hold me, please. I need to get warm."
Druce picked Alee up and pulled her onto his lap, then wrapped his arms around her and held her tight. When the shaking subsided, he began stroking her hair and murmuring soothing nonsense. Slowly, he felt the tension seeping from her body. He continued to hold her, wanting to drive away her demons, wanting to save her from whatever was hurting her.
Alee shifted a little, but stayed curled against his chest. He heard a whispered, "Thank you."
"Are you going to be okay?" Dru asked.
She nodded. "I feel much better. More human, less ice cube."
"What was that all about?"
As the silence stretched, Dru felt ire pricking the edges of his mind. He opened his mouth to speak just as Alee's whispered voice floated up. "Every time I have to face deep space, the spectre of my father and our last encounter haunts me. The memory of him taking me on a hyperspace jump to deep space, forcing me to admit I saw nothing, telling me that's what I was to my family - nothing - that memory slams into me like a Force blast." Dru felt a shudder ripple up her back. She continued, "I haven't reacted this badly since I first knew Qui-Gon. Maybe it was the sense of being completely alone that triggered this episode."
Druce hugged her fiercely. The knowledge that he had inadvertently caused her such pain sliced through him. Through clenched teeth he said, "You're not alone, Alee. Not while I'm around. Emperor's bones. How could a father do such a thing to his own child? Why would he?"
Alee sighed. "He was a hard man. And he feared the Jedi so much that it turned to hate. My whole homeworld was - probably is - like that. And I was just heading off to begin my training. The day after our little farewell trip, the Jedi took me away to the Temple."
"How old were you?"
"Three and a half."
Druce groaned and pressed his cheek on the top of her head.
"It's okay, Dru. It was all so very long ago. And I know my mother never stopped loving me. She arranged for the delivery of my VG-23 when I turned twenty, I'm sure of it."
Dru opened his mouth and snapped it shut. He stifled a chuckle.
"What?" Alee looked into his face.
"Your ship. You told me it was in much better condition that this one. If everything you're saying is true ..."
"It was brand new when I got it," Alee finished his sentence.
He chuckled again and kissed her upturned forehead. "You can be a master of understatement sometimes."
Alee smiled. She slid off his lap and started to move away. Dru pulled her back against his side.
"Just a few more minutes," he muttered. She felt so good against him. So right. Dru cleared his throat and asked, "Why do so many beings hate the Jedi?"
"I would think a lot of it has to do with over thirty years of vile propaganda by the Empire," Alee replied.
"But you said your homeworld was that way. And that would've been well before ..." Dru sighed inwardly. It was going to be hard adjusting to the idea of Alee alive - before he was born.
Alee replied, "My homeworld was a writhing, twisting, back-stabbing arena of political snakes. They despised anyone with the perception to determine motive and see through their slimy maneuvering. Jedi topped their list of unwanted visitors."
"Not your favorite place?"
"Ranks right up there with Nal Hutta."
Dru smiled into her hair. "Where ... ?"
He felt her tense slightly.
"You promised truth, Alee," Dru reminded her.
She gave an exaggerated sigh. "I may live to regret that promise. It was very ungentlemanly of you to bring it up."
"No one ever accused me of being a gentleman," Dru replied. "Fess up, woman."
"Okay. But please don't trample me in your rush to slice into their historical records." Alee paused for a long moment. "Tanaab."
"Hmm. Never been there." The thought of doing just what Alee said dangled tantalisingly in his mind. He gave her a small squeeze. His voice was tentative. "I could find out about your family for you?"
"No, Dru."
"Find out if your mother is still alive?"
"No, Druce."
"You might have nieces, nephews ..."
Alee elbowed him in the ribs.
"Ouch. Okay. Okay. Shesh. Some Jedi are so touchy."
"You should have met Master Piell."
"Don't think I would've wanted to," Dru muttered. Louder, he said, "Alee, I met someone on Umgul who seemed to know a lot about Jedi. As soon as they realized you were one, hatred that was almost virulent spewed out."
"Back to that, are we?" she teased.
"This is no joke, Alee. I felt very uneasy about the whole thing. This person is dangerous."
"Fair enough. Chances are, your ... acquaintance ... was, or still is, an Imperial. Maybe even someone who was close to the Emperor or his inner circle - if he had one. Unless, of course, it was a Hutt. They're a bit like Tanaabians in their attitudes."
"No Hutt. Just someone I thought I knew," Dru replied.
He felt an assessing gaze. Alee's tone was inquisitive. "Someone you were ... close to?"
Dru felt a rush of satisfaction. "Is this jealousy I'm hearing?"
He noticed a pink flush on her cheeks and grinned.
"Your circuits are misfiring, laser-brain," said Alee as she pulled away and crossed her arms. Dru heard her mutter, "Woman's favorite. Ha. Overblown tree slug is more like it."
Now this was the Alee he knew. Dru stood at looked down at her, indulgence softening his blue eyes.
"You're very pretty when you're angry, you know," he said.
Alee frowned at him. Dru couldn't stop grinning.
"We're only two hours out of Coruscant," he continued. "I think I'll get us back on course."
"You do that."
"Want to join me?"
"No."
Dru hesitated. "Oh, right. Sorry. Maybe when we're underway."
He turned to go.
"Dru? Why do you like it?" Alee asked.
He looked over his shoulder. "Like what?"
"Deep space."
Dru shrugged. "I find it very peaceful."
"Death probably is, too. That doesn't mean you seek it out," Alee said.
"You could've fooled me," Dru replied. "If you're anything to go by, Jedi seem to seek it out with alarming regularity."
Alee crossed her arms again. "We don't seek death out. It ... it seems to find us. But it rarely traps us."
"Oh. Well. That makes all the difference." He rolled his eyes and disappeared into the cockpit.
As he pulled back on the stick that catapulted them into hyperspace, Dru realized he'd never told Alee he'd decided to believe her. By sheer act of will. Logic could go nova for all he cared. He wasn't going to lose Alee. If she said she was from another time, then ... she was. Right? Right. I think. Blast! This is more confusing than a Mon Calamari beach party on Tatooine. I thought love was supposed to make you feel great - not give you a headache.
Alee sat on the bunk, basking in the warmth left behind by Dru. She closed her eyes and imagined his arms around her. He'd been so, so protective. So gentle. He hadn't treated her like a freak. She'd felt his respect. He was struggling, she knew - struggling to believe her. But he was trying. Her spirit soared. He must care for her at least a little.
The easy path was disbelief. Force knows she'd been tempted down that path often enough. It would be so simple - find some remote planet, pretend like none of this ever happened, live out a life of fantasy, waiting for Qui-Gon to return, waiting for the Council to call her back. But it was a fantasy that excluded Dru. Somehow, that wasn't very palatable. And she would be denying the very thing that defined who she was. The Force. Qui-Gon's desire she move on was part of the Force's leading. She couldn't deny that and call herself a Jedi.
But letting go was so hard. The bittersweet pain of saying good-bye returned to embrace her senses like a fine mist. Alee summoned Qui-Gon's visage to her mind's eye. Oh, Qui-Gon. You were my soul. You taught me compassion and gave me the eyes to see the pain of others. I cherish that. But I am mired in a swamp of guilt and remorse. Every step I take away from you, to this future you promised, causes some of the waters of that quagmire to cling to me. One moment I am heavy-hearted, the next moment I look at Dru and my heart is rocketing high above the clouds. And then I feel more guilt. I know it is just part of the mourning process, part of saying farewell, and it will fade. I know it doesn't mean I will forget you. But it hurts. Yet, I find myself saying or thinking something and realize I learned that attitude from you, and it makes me smile. You used to tease me and say you were my Padawan in matters of love. But you were my Master in the art of living - you showed me what is important and what isn't, and how to choose rightly. A sensitivity to the Living Force is your legacy to me, dear Qui-Gon. I will always strive to act in a way that would make you proud.
The air vibrated around Alee as the Force shimmered and sparkled. She could almost see it as drops of light, infusing her being and cradling the ship as it slipped through hyperspace. Alee could sense Dru in the cockpit, his form, his feeling, his luminosity in the Force as a living creature, and the desire to be at his side welled up, propelling her to her feet and towards the door separating them.
Alee slipped into the co-pilot's chair and sat, content to watch him working at the console. Slowly, her forehead furrowed. Something was different since they left Umgul. But what?
"Why haven't I heard VAL lately? Did the intercom system break down?" Alee asked.
"Reverted to default settings." Dru kept his eyes on the screen and continued to enter data.
"You killed VAL?" Surprise leaked into the Jedi's voice.
He shot her a quick glance. "I didn't commit a crime, I deleted a program."
"Will you miss that soft sultry voice?"
Dru stopped what he was doing and met her gaze. His deep blue eyes were warm and mesmerizing. Alee found herself holding her breath and she forced herself to exhale.
"No. I won't miss it a bit," he said quietly. "Will you?"
Alee snorted. "Not likely."
Dru smiled and Alee soaked in the glow. Her eyes roamed over his face, imprinting his features in her mind. As if they weren't already. She reached up and traced the crescent-shaped scar on his right cheek.
"Where did you get that?" she asked.
Dru looked away. "I can't remember."
"Liar."
He shrugged. "Not one of my stellar moments, okay? Can you leave it be?"
"No. Truthfulness. Remember?"
"I never made a promise about that," Dru pointed out.
Alee raised her eyebrows until he squirmed under her stare.
He sighed. "I was about nine. Created this great remote-trigger projection system. My first test was with some tubular casing scraps. I accounted for everything except the line of flight."
A smile tugged at Alee's mouth. "You got in the way of your own test? You shot yourself with a bit of tubing?"
Dru scowled. "I told you it wasn't a stellar moment."
She traced the scar again. "I think it's sweet."
"You would."
"At least you can smile at it. And it's a much nicer tale than, say, getting buried under the rubble of a deliberately-set explosion a kilometer under a mountain."
Druce gaped at Alee for a moment. "I don't think I even want to know that story."
"That's a nice change from your usual poking and prodding and incurable curiosity."
"You are impertinent."
"And you're nosy."
A look of innocence popped onto Dru's face. "I thought you liked my nose."
Alee shot him a skeptical look. "It's a very nice nose. But I don't always appreciate where you stick it."
Mischief sparked in those blue eyes. Alee froze.
"How about," Dru whispered, "if I stick it here."
He came nose to nose with Alee and softly rubbed his tip against hers. Alee swallowed hard and her eyes widened. An invisible hand clenched her stomach and squeezed.
"Or here," Dru added.
He lowered his head until his nose touched her cheek and their lips brushed lightly. Alee gasped as tingling tickled her lips and spread like wildfire along her nerves. Dru's eyes darkened as he watched her reaction. Suddenly he was kissing her, firm lips pressed against her soft yielding ones. Alee closed her eyes and welcomed the onslaught. Her hand crept up his chest and around his neck. She undid the thong holding his ponytail and buried her fingers in his hair. Dru groaned and deepened the kiss.
He caressed her shoulders. Clasping them, he drew her out of her chair and onto his lap. Dru buried his face in her neck and held her close. His tongue tickled her throbbing pulse point and trailed up to her earlobe. Laboured breathing sounded in her ears. Her own, she realized. Then his mouth was on hers again, tearing a moan from deep in her throat.
An insistent, repetitive beeping forced itself into Alee's consciousness. She reluctantly pulled away and blinked repeatedly while she fought to bring her turbulent thoughts to bear on the irritating noise. Dru started to pull her back towards him, but Alee placed her hands against his chest and braced herself. Eyes full of desire held her gaze and almost weakened her resolve.
Alee drew a deep breath and said, "That's the hyperspace alarm, Dru. We have to get ready for reversion to realspace."
"But I like hyperspace."
"You won't if we discover a star gone nova in our flight path."
"It'll be a perfect match for how I feel inside." Dru moved his head towards hers.
Alee was overcome by a happy frustration. She caught his face in a vise-like grip and tried to glower at him. "The countdown is almost done, Dru. Let me go so we can get to Coruscant in one piece."
"One more kiss."
"Dru ..."
"Just one. Then I'll let you go. I promise."
Alee's insides puddled at his boyish pleading. As soon as her resistance softened, Druce pulled her back into his embrace. His lips were hot, passionate, insistent. Alee felt herself being drawn into the kiss, losing her sense of self and melding with Dru. Awareness of her surroundings was fading. There was just that long drawn-out whine of ... of the warning system.
Alee snapped back to attention and pushed herself away from Druce.
"Hey. We were just getting started," he protested.
She ignored Druce and quickly settled herself into the co-pilot chair, pushing the hyperspace lever. Lines lurched into dots and Alee clenched her teeth, willing her stomach not to churn like it usually did on reversion to realspace. A derelict ship filled the viewscreen.
"Blast," Alee muttered as she yanked the controls and veered the ship sharply right. She zigzagged past a few bits and pieces of wreckage, then slowed down to minimal impulse.
"That was close," Dru said with a sigh.
"What's it from? Look more debris is showing up on the sensor screens. What a mess."
"Mementos from the war to liberate Coruscant."
Alee felt a chill run through her veins. Desolation struck her mind. Coruscant. Beautiful, glittering Coruscant. What have we done?
"Alee! You barely missed that solar panel."
Alee turned forlorn eyes toward Dru. What?
"Maybe I'll fly," Dru mumbled as he took the controls.
Alee returned her gaze to the planet growing rapidly in their viewscreen. This wasn't the jewel she remembered. Oh, most of the planet was lit up, but there were blotches of darkness, foreign to this planet of lights and somehow sinister. A shiver ran down her arms. The haze of a forcefield further obscured the planet's brilliance. Alee scowled. They had never needed a forcefield in her day.
Her day. A day long gone. A day years past. Breath came in shallow gulps. This was my home. How could this have happened? It can't be real. It can't. A sob burst from deep inside. Alee fumbled with her restraint belt and fled the cockpit.
She stumbled around the living quarters. Changing. Packing her bag. Opening and closing compartments aimlessly. Anything to keep her mind off the planet Dru was landing them on. Alee found a smooth rock in one cupboard and caressed it thoughtfully, using the Force to sense ... fear, anger, sadness. From a rock? No, from Dru. This must be the rock he told me he clutched while his family died within his sight. Dru's own pain and loss brought a sense of equilibrium back to the upset Jedi. Alee reverently place the rock back in its spot and sat to wait out the landing cycle.
The Empire had caused so much pain and devastation during its short span. Coruscant had become a nest of evil that had been cleansed by the sweat and blood of millions. Even so, the corruption here was like the clinging odor of a tauntaun. She shuddered. She could feel the Dark Force vibrations tearing at her fragile composure. Eating at her tentative peace. Tilting her center of balance.
Alee gripped the arms of the chair and stared blankly at the
bulkhead. She closed her eyes, brought Qui-Gon's face to mind
and tried to focus on it, but it wavered and transformed into
Dru's. In her mind's eye she held his gaze. Oh, Dru. What have
they done to my home? So tainted. So vile. But I remember it like
I was here only yesterday - when it was a jewel outshining every
other. I can feel the pain - of millions dead, of evil run rampant.
It's crushing me, Dru. Suffocating me. I loved my home. My life.
I wanted, so terribly, to come back. But Master Yoda was right.
I can never go back. Can I?
