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The air was cooling off rapidly, and Alee lifted her face to let the night breeze carry away the warmth suffusing her face. Why did he torment her? Brushing her mind with the intimacy of a lover; reminding her of what she would never have. It was worse than when he had touched her and she had to freeze so he wouldn't sense how her nerves sprang to life from hair root to toenail. Worse than the way he kept trying to drown her in his impossibly blue eyes. The mission loomed before her, filled with an endless succession of angonizing, glorious, excruciating microns in his presence. If this search in the mountains accomplished nothing else, at least it would get her away from Qui-Gon for a few days. Maybe the wounds would begin to heal. Maybe Nal Hutta would become a planet of philanthropists.
Alee sighed and stepped a little deeper into the shadows. The feeling that she was being watched had been nipping at her mind ever since she entered the rear yard of the garrison. Now she waited for Falk by the gate to the transport pool and the sensation lingered. Who would care to watch me within these walls? One of the patrols on the catwalks, or one of the guards by the gymnasium doors? And why?
A gymnasium door was propped open, letting the night air waft into the building. Alee caught sight of a several of the repulsor cots she knew were laid out in rows for the Fondorian troops. A soldier reclined on the nearest cot, his dark blue uniform made almost black by the dim overhead lights. She guessed it would soon be lights out for the prisoners.
Impatience swelled. Alee wanted to leave well before the moon was up, as the enormous Gandeal satellite lit up the night almost as much as that gymnasium was lit up right now. She concentrated on breathing slowly and letting calm trickle along her nerves.
Moments later, Falk's long-striding silhouette double-timed across the compound. Does that man ever move at a normal pace? Tonight she appreciated his boundless energy since it speeded her on her way.
Falk nodded to her and keyed open the gate, then sped down the alley between vehicles to the swoops. Fast, maneuverable and armed. Just what she had requested. He stopped by a machine that rested at the edge of a pool of light and leaned on the seat. He crossed his arms and studied her in the pale light.
"Here be the rider, Jedi," Falk said. "But why should I be letting ya take it?"
"What I hope to find could end this conflict without anymore hostilities, Falk. It's what we both want," Alee replied.
"What be ya looking for?"
"I can't say. The fewer people that know about this, right now, the better."
Falk scowled. "That not be the answer I be looking for. Ya Jedi always say, 'Trust me.' It be a hard thing, asking an Agri to trust."
"You are a good leader Falk, and your trust honors me. I thank you for all you have been willing to do to end this thing. Hopefully, what I do will end it sooner," Alee said.
Falk straightened. "Then what be ya waiting for, Jedi? Be gone."
Alee smiled and swung her leg over the saddle of the swoop. She fired up the engine and listened for a moment. Satisfied, she reached for the control grips. Falk laid his hand on her arm and she cast him a questioning look.
"I almost be forgetting." Falk's voice rose over the whine of the engine. He reached inside his tunic and pulled out a packet. As he handed it to Alee, he said, "For morning. When I be feeding the city, ya be breaking yar fast. Right, Jedi?"
The packet disappeared inside her cloak. "Right, Falk."
Alee eased the swoop out of its spot in line and followed the Agrarian as he jogged to the transport gate in the outer wall. He tapped in the access code and waved her through as the gates retracted into the walls. As soon as she cleared the entrance, she opened the throttle and arrowed across the plain toward the mountains, ink-black and jagged against the night sky.
Reflected light from the city shrank until the darkness was complete. Alee revelled in the sensation of barrelling blindly through the night, able to depend only on the Force and her own reaction times. Her Force-sense warned her of obstacles and changes in terrain. The wind beat an invigorating tattoo against her face and tugged at her hair, loosening strands as it whipped by. Her Jedi cloak flapped violently, like a wounded mynock struggling to get airborne. The Force washed through her mind and swept away her worries and concerns. All that was left was the mission and the moment. Alee immersed herself in the moment.
As the mountains grew closer, the landscape grew dimly visible. Moonrise brought with it a pale light that coated everything in a sickly grey-yellow hue. Alee left the plains behind and entered rocky foothills that were littered with boulders and occasional slag piles from old mining operations. She found herself having to slow down as she wove along narrow valley floors. She didn't want to attract attention if her route brought her near any running mines, and sailing through the air over rock heaps and hilltops would do just that.
Since she had decreased her speed, an awareness was growing that she was being followed. Alee wasn't completely surprised because of her earlier feelings of being watched. The question was: Who was following? And why? Had Falk sent men to keep tabs on her? Were the Technicks on to her somehow? Curiosity tugged at her mind, but she knew it didn't really matter, because she would conduct her search regardless. And she would deal with her entourage when they showed themselves. She sighed. Why can't things ever be simple?
Rounding a bend, Alee found herself headed straight for a mountain and, judging by the lights, an active mine. She veered right and down to traverse the base of the mount. Slowing to just above stall speed in order to remain as quiet as possible, she maneuvered the swoop away from the mine. No undue activity signalled that her passage had been detected. Still, she expelled her relief in a long slow breath when the mine was out of sight.
The moon slipped below the horizon and a chilling pre-dawn darkness settled over the land. The wind became cutting as it whistled through the rock-strewn valleys. With the chill, a weariness draped across Alee's shoulders. A Gandeal day was 26 standard hours. That meant she hadn't eaten in almost 36 hours, and it was closer to 50 hours since she had last slept. The Force could only sustain her for so long, and she wanted to be rested for the search ahead.
The moon would soon disappear, and with it, the cover of darkness. As Alee wound along the valley floor, she stretched out her senses and probed the mountain sides with the Force, seeking a bolt hole. After 15 minutes, she discovered a cave about a third of the way up the mountain on her right. She gunned the engine and shot up the shale embankment, cutting power to minimum as she crested the small ridge fronting the cave.
Alee scanned the cave with her Force-sense. The tunnel was barely high enough to fit Alee on the swoop, so she wouldn't be able to stand upright, but it went back into the mountain for six meters. Most important, it was devoid of life forms. Alee eased the machine into the cave until it started to narrow too much to be able to turn around. She left the swoop facing the opening and moved farther back into the tunnel.
Hard rock floor gave way to a sandy spot. Alee sank to the ground, leaned against the wall and ran her fingers through the cool sand. With eyes wide open, the Jedi could see nothing, sense nothing, but cool, dry blackness wrapping around her. Fighting off the urge to sleep, she retrieved the packet Falk had given her and opened it, inspecting it by feel. Traveller's fare. Flatbread and several chunks of dried meat. She ate half the bread and one piece of meat, then returned the rest to her pack. After a sip of water from her canteen, she leaned back heavily and let her eyelids droop closed.
Deep blue and fathomless, Qui-Gon's eyes filled her inner vision. Alee pulled her cloak around her and held it tight. Some day, I will see you as a friend again. Some day, I will think of you without this terrible sense of pain and loss. Right now, it hurts so bad ... the Force help me. If only. If only... Alee floated away on a sleep buoyed by the Force and the wish that she could reach out and touch ...
Qui-Gon dropped the sack of grain on the gravsled and froze. It was gone. A feather-soft brush across his mind that had been melancholy and a little wistful. He stared passed the open compound gates, where Agrarians loaded other gravsleds with foodstuff for the city, to the plain beyond. A sack jostled his elbow.
Falk tossed it on the sled and turned to face Qui-Gon. "Ya be worried about her, Jedi."
"No," Qui-Gon replied softly. "I know she's all right. I felt it."
Falk scratched his head. "Ya Jedi be a strange lot, but she be a good one, I think."
Qui-Gon looked up at the purple and pink sky. "Yes. She's a good one. So are you Falk. Though, in the future, you might want to try talking first and shooting later, if it's necessary."
Falk rubbed the back of his neck and looked at the ground. "I be sorry about that. I know now ya only mean to help."
Qui-Gon laid his hand on the Agrarian's shoulder. "Don't worry about it. But, since you have everything under control here, I'll be back in a few minutes."
Qui-Gon pivoted and headed for the nearest set of stairs leading to the catwalk.
Atop the walk, the Jedi Master rested his forearms on the battlements and watched the sunrise. Purple melted into orange and yellow, finally giving way to blue. Birdsong floated up from the grasses and he lost himself in the gentle music.
When he sensed Obi-Wan join him, Qui-Gon kept his silence, content to be touched by his Padawan's comforting presence.
"Master, may I speak frankly?" Obi-Wan's tone was gentle.
"Of course, Padawan. Always." Qui-Gon turned to study his young apprentice.
The sun warmed Obi-Wan's skin and returned his hair from dark blond to its sandy color of years ago. Qui-Gon could clearly see the thirteen-year-old he'd taken as his Padawan learner. It amazed him that he hadn't wanted to teach this young man who now meant so much to him. Obi-Wan had helped him look to the future and was often a teacher in his own right, with flashes of wisdom that went far beyond his 21 years. He looked forward to and dreaded the day when Obi-Wan would take the mantle of Jedi Knight.
Obi-Wan's green eyes sparkled in the morning light, but his demeanor was serious. That is always the way with my Padawan - outwardly somber, exhibiting enjoyment in tiny sparks that are easy to miss. Perhaps, more like his Master than I ever realized.
Obi-Wan cleared his throat and looked across the plains. "I am deeply concerned, Master. I have never seen you so hesitant or so unsure. I am at a loss as to how to help you. But, I would try if you would let me."
"You are at a loss and I am lost - in a maze of uncertainty, beset by feelings that are new and frightening in their power. I am too old for this," mused Qui-Gon. His blue gaze locked with Obi-Wan's green one. "I'm sorry. This isn't a burden you should have to carry."
"Our bond is such that I cannot help but carry it, Master. But it is no burden. A responsibility, perhaps, but one I welcome. You have shouldered my cares often enough in the past."
Qui-Gon closed his eyes for a moment. "These feelings I for Alee I struggle with will not effect our relationship, Padawan."
Obi-Wan gave him a small smile. "You've said that before, Master, but they already have." He lifted his hand to stop Qui-Gon from interrupting. "Though I have no sense that our Master-Padawan bond has been disrupted. I've thought a lot about this. It seems you are torn between two people you care about. Two people who don't necessarily like each other but both highly esteem you."
"I've never thought about it in exactly those terms," Qui-Gon said, "but you are right, Padawan. Impossible choices lay before me. No matter which path I follow, someone I care about will be hurt - has already been hurt. How can I choose? But, I cannot hang in this limbo of indecision."
Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "Why must you choose? Maybe there is another path." He looked deep in his Master's eyes. "You always tell me to be aware of the Living Force, Master. What does it whisper to your heart? At this very moment, Master, what does it tell you?"
"I do not feel our connection weakening, Obi-Wan, if that is what you're worried about."
"I've already said that is not my concern, and you just avoided the question. Where is the Living Force leading you? Here. Now. This moment."
"Your Padawan learner will be kept on his toes, won't he," Qui-Gon said with a crooked smile.
Obi-wan kept silent and eyed him expectantly.
Qui-Gon looked away and sighed. "Where did you learn such single-minded tenacity?"
"From you," Obi-Wan replied. "The Living Force, Master. Where is it leading you?"
"The Living Force. Your attention has rarely been there, why focus on it now?"
"Because it has always been at the center of everything you do, Master. Yet at this moment, you seem to be diligently avoiding it."
Qui-Gon looked at his Padawan's mildly amused expression and shook his head. He spoke softly. "My heart whispers to seek out Alee. In some strange, inexplicable way the Force is weaving our lives together. Like the bond between the two of us, only different, but possibly deeper. I'm not sure ..."
Obi-Wan nodded. "I've noticed the two of you connecting at different times, and in ways I thought only a Master and Padawan could do. I ... I was initially struck by ... jealousy, I suppose. But when I realized it didn't effect our bond, I was able to put it in perspective."
"Far quicker than I have been able to, apparently," Qui-Gon said dryly. "Last night I had decided to pursue Alee's and my relationship..."
"Before or after she fled?"
"Before. It's amazing how, sometimes, neither of you let me finish speaking."
"Sorry."
Qui-Gon accepted the apology with a nod. He asked, "Do you remember the painful time I put us through before I officially accepted you as my Padawan learner?"
"Some events are not easily forgotten, Master." Obi-Wan's tone was gently teasing.
"Indeed. My failure with Xanatos made me extremely leery about taking another apprentice. Odd, and somehow fitting, that it was the taking of another Padawan - you - that helped me to put that pain behind me." Qui-Gon fell silent for a moment. "The thought that I would be solely responsible for completing your training weighed so heavily on me that I almost refused the gift the Force was giving me in being your Master. And I realized this morning, that our time together is not done. That obligation, which I cherish, is not fulfilled. I will not turn away from you. I will not fail you, Obi-Wan."
"I know that, Master," replied Obi-Wan, his eyes darkening. "But, I will not let you refuse the gift the Force is giving you now."
"What do you mean?"
"I will apply to the Council to take the tests for knighthood early." Obi-Wan's voice tightened with choked emotion. "Or I will ask for a different Master. But I will not let you turn your back on your own happiness, on my account."
"You would ask for another to finish training you?" Bewilderment echoed through Qui-Gon's soul and his mind numbed for half a micron.
"Not by choice, Master. Never by choice." Obi-Wan's eyes misted and he blinked rapidly.
He would sacrifice his own future for me to be happy? Why should I be surprised? I would do the same for him. Qui-Gon rested his hand on his Padawan's shoulder and squeezed. Softly, he said, "It would pain me greatly if you did that. Yet, I sense you have an alternative in mind, Obi-Wan. What is it?"
The momentary silence shimmered between Master and Padawan. Obi-Wan inhaled deeply.
"Do both." Obi-Wan scanned Qui-Gon's features with clear eyes. "Discover what your relationship with Alee could be, and finish my training. You told me yourself, that sometimes the most obvious answer is the most difficult to see."
Qui-Gon scowled. "And neither relationship would get the attention it deserves. Your option would have me failing both of you, instead of only one."
"You are wrong, Master," Obi-Wan said with conviction.
The Jedi Master raised a single brow. "You've thought about this, as well, have you?"
Obi-Wan nodded. "Long and hard."
Qui-Gon crossed his arms and waited.
Obi-Wan cleared his throat. "Have you ever watched a devoted father with his child?"
"Of course."
"Their bond runs strong and deep," Obi-Wan stated.
"It is a pleasure to watch ... and experience," Qui-Gon murmured.
"Yes." Obi-Wan turned and leaned on the battlement. He glanced sideways at his Master. "Is that bond made stronger or weaker by the father's relationship with a loving spouse?"
Qui-Gon went very still. The Living Force infused the question and swirled around the two Jedi. Is it so simple? So obvious that I was blind to it? Am I insisting on seeing two narrow paths where the Force is calling me to walk one wider path that unites instead of divides? His blue eyes grew lighter as hope sprouted.
A whisp of a smile played on Obi-Wan's lips. "You know I'm right, Master. One's capacity to love is not limited to a single object at a time. Indeed, out of the depths of a father's love for his spouse comes a wellspring that feeds and strengthens his relationship with his son. And his bond with his son can enrich the one with his mate." Obi-Wan paused. "I believe that this would be your experience, Master. Your compassion is boundless, and I believe your love would be, as well. But, there is only one way to find out."
A wave of affection swept through Qui-Gon. In a light-hearted tone he asked, "And where did you learn such wisdom, Padawan?"
"From you," came the serious reply.
Qui-Gon smiled. "Some days I have grave doubts on that score."
Obi-Wan's green eyes sparkled with flecks of gold. "Never doubt this: I am Padawan to a great Jedi Master. In my eye's he is the greatest, even if he is a little thickheaded at times."
Mock surprise sprang into Qui-Gon's expression. "Thickheaded? Me?"
Obi-Wan rolled his eyes. "This being the case in point. You love her, don't you?"
Qui-Gon stilled. "Love Alee? I feel myself being drawn to her in so many ways. I ... yes, I believe I am starting to love her." Amazement filled his eyes.
Obi-Wan chuckled. "I thought as much. So it appears you are in limbo no longer, Master. Tell her your decision. Quickly, please. Put us all out of our misery."
Obi-Wan turned and strolled away, whistling a popular Coruscant ballad of love lost - and found.
Qui-Gon watched his Padawan leave, then returned his attention
to the plains. If this is the love that is lauded in poem and
song, it is a tumultuous, sometimes painful thing. And it is sure
to be frowned upon by the Jedi Council. So why do I feel like
a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders? I think I could
float to ... wherever it is Alee has gone off to. Disquiet
prodded at his euphoria. Where are you, Alee? Come back quickly
- I want you to share what I am feeling. Qui-Gon reached out
through the Force, calling her name with all the elation welling
from deep within, and wrapping it in all the tenderness accorded
a thing so new and fragile.
